Tell your loved ones you love them

This story is a shame. Its posted below. A father and son who were estranged when the son was only 5 years old. The son didn't think his dad cared much about him. Only after the father passed away did the son realize how important he was to his father.

The father apparently never expressed his feelings for his son. What a shame they didn't communicate better. What a loss for both. And that loss can never be recovered. Even though they didn't speak the same language, the son's mother spoke both languages and would have been happy to translate for them. In fact, she would probably have loved to translate for them.

Don't let this happen to you. If you have a family member you're currently not on speaking terms with, find a way to bridge the gap. Life is short and death is final (at least the one in this body). How much better would you feel if you didn't have this burden? Are you truly happier not talking? Would you feel good about yourself if you were the one to break the ice and make an attempt to patch things up?

What do we regret more, the things we did or the things we didn't do? You can apologize for things you've done if you made a mistake and make amends. You can apologize for what you didn't do too, but the fulfilled life is probably filled with more good intentioned "did's" than wimped out "did not's". If you're like me, you regret the things you wanted to do or could have done but didn't do more than the things you did but could have done better.

You can prevent these regrets from your future by making a promise to yourself that when you hear yourself saying "nah, I don't think so", you'll look inside and ask why not. If its because you're scared, or lazy, or don't want to risk embarrassment, then find the strength and courage to say yes.

The father in this story must have caused himself a lot of internal conflict and pain because he couldn't tell his son he loved him. Not to mention the needless pain he caused his son. What a shame. Here's the story (you can click on it to enlarge it):

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #10

Encourage a slow pace when the tributes are being read. You want to savor each one.

These will be important to the guest of honor. Its unlikely they will want to rush through them. Each one will seem like a sweet piece of candy.

So don't let anyone rush things along too much. If a guest gets bored send them to the TV or let them leave. "Gee, I see you are in a hurry, if you have to leave I understand. This reading is important and I think its going to take a little longer."

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #9

Save the gift giving until near the end of your event. But allow enough time to read all the tributes out loud.

It's best to let the party warm up a little and let everyone get acquainted. Let them catch up with each other and get to where they are a little talked out. That's when they will most focus on the main event.

Its also good to build a little anticipation with the guests. Of course, this is a surprise for the guest of honor, so they don't even know its coming. But everyone else will know and will be anticipating it, looking forward to seeing what the reaction will be.

Also, after reading all the tributes, and possibly some intense emotions, people will be worn out and ready to leave soon after. So its good to leave the reading for last.

But make sure you'll have enough time for all the tributes to be read aloud. You won't want any guests who sent in a contribution to see other people leaving before theirs is read. They will feel disappointed.

And if people start leaving, there will be fewer people to interact with the guest of honor as they continue reading their tributes.

Also, if people start leaving you'll be tempted to stop the reading, which would be a shame.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #8

After presenting the tribute gift, ask the guest of honor to read each and every tribute aloud so everyone can hear them.

This is really important. If they just read the tributes to themselves they will lose out on the added intensity of experiencing everyone else's emotions in addition to their own. And the guests will lose out as well.

If they don't want to read out loud then ask someone else to read them or you read them out loud yourself. Don't even ask if its OK with your special someone. The tribute gift is on the internet exposed to the world to see anyway. There's no privacy issue, its publicly displayed.
Of course, the probability of anyone seeing this web page without being invited to do so is very unlikely.

If they don't want to read their tributes aloud its probably not because of privacy. Its something silly like they are embarrassed, or they think they may cry, or they can't see so well, or they're scared of computers, who knows. Its unlikely they will object to someone else reading out loud. So go ahead and make sure this happens. Its an important part of the whole experience.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #7

Don't invite jerks.

Even though you want to invite as many people to submit a tribute as possible and as many people to attend your party as possible, you don't want to invite any jerks.

What do I mean by a jerk?

• Negative Debbie Downers who find what's wrong with everything.
• Egomaniacs that must be the center of attention, regardless of what the circumstances are.
• Selfish people that will keep interrupting the reading for their own needs.
• Impatient people who will become easily bored and start distracting the group.

Well, you get the idea. You won't know if many of the people you are considering inviting are such jerks that they'll spoil the experience. If you're not sure go ahead and invite them and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Most people will pay attention and ask about what's meant by some of the contributions and spontaneously remember things about the special guest and bring them up. That's all great, and should be welcome. If anyone gets the discussion too far off track, you'll want to interrupt and ask the guest of honor to go back to reading the tributes because you don't want to run out of time.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #6

The more people you invite to attend your event in person the better.

There's something great about being part of a group of like-minded people who are experiencing something special.

I remember when I was a teenager, a very long time ago, and I went to my first Star Trek convention in New York City. I was a huge Star Trek fan and this was after the original series was cancelled and long before the The Next Generation series started, or the first movie. In fact, this was only the 2nd Star Trek convention ever.

Anyway, at the convention they played some of the TV episodes on a large screen. A movie screen. It was in front of a large audience of a few hundred people. During the showings I could here cheering and boos and applause and people yelling things. Up to that point I had only seen Star Trek at home. And only with 1 or 2 brothers and/or maybe my father. Many times I watched reruns alone.

The experience of sharing what felt like a very personal memory with hundreds of people, many of whom were acting out, was amazing. It was like I had just joined a lost tribe of several hundred family members at a giant reunion party!

So, my point is that the larger the group of people you can gather together to honor your guest and share in the emotions elicited from reading the tributes, the better. This experience will be something they will always remember and have in common.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #5

The more people you invite to contribute to the on-line tribute the better.

Not everyone will want to contribute something for the tribute for various reasons. Not everyone will remember or make the time. Some people will send in their tribute too late. And, did you know not all email reach their destinations?

So, some percentage of the people you invite to participate in creating the tribute gift won't for one reason or another.

Therefore, you need to invite as many people as possible.

Also, the more people who contribute, the better the experience will be for everyone. The more tributes there are, the better the chance for humorous ones, touching ones, interesting ones, etc. The more there are, the more special your honored guest will feel.

And you don't want to leave out anyone who would want to write something for the tribute and miss their opportunity. They could still write it after the party, but it won't be as rewarding.

So, for these reasons and more, you'll want to invite as many potential contributors as possible.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #4

You may want to print out the tribute website ahead of time as a back up plan and bring it with you. Or if the party is at your house, you can stash it in a drawer.

Its always good to have a plan B. What if you signed up to create a tribute gift in plenty of time, you got lots of contributions, planned a party, everyone showed up, you gave your card with the invitation emails from Tribute A Gift enclosed, and your guest of honor reads them, gets excited to see what you've done for them, and you bring everyone over to the computer but can't get the browser going because your internet access is down. Oh no, what now?

Its not a problem, because this morning while preparing for the party, you printed out the whole tribute website and hid it in a drawer under the computer. So you just whip it out and hand it to your special someone and explain that their tribute is on the web indefinitely, so they can see it later. Meanwhile, they can read aloud from the paper version.

Thank you plan B!

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #3

The best way to present your present is to be present and surprise your guest of honor.

A great way to reveal the tribute gift is to include a print out of the invitation emails in with your greeting card.

As your guest of honor reads them they will slowly come to realize there is a website somewhere out on the internet with thoughts, feelings, memories, and well wishes just for them, all compiled by you!

You'll see them light up with anticipation about what they'll find there. This is a great emotional reward for you, the presenter.

Soon as they realize what's waiting for them, get them in front of a computer with internet access and gather all the guests around, if you haven't already. You can go to the tribute website earlier and be prepared if the computer is in another room, or you can bookmark the website for a quick click on a computer in the same room. You can have somebody bring a notebook computer to the party and when you give them the signal they can sit across from the guest of honor at a table or somewhere where they are facing them. They "need to look something up" if they're asked what they're doing. Then your shill can open the notebook so the back of the screen is facing the guest of honor. When your special someone starts fidgeting because they want to go see the tribute website, your friend with the notebook can just turn it around 180 degrees so the screen is facing the guest of honor.

Make sure you ask for the tributes to be read aloud so everyone can share in the experience.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #2

Don't use your work email for Tribute A Gift, unless you are the boss.

Employer's have the right to monitor your email traffic. We don't want to see anyone get in trouble because of us. Besides, if you're on the clock shouldn't you be doing your best?

Put yourself at the end of the pending downsize list by doing a great job for your employer. And you'll see good things coming your way. Save your personal business for your personal time right?

Now if you're self-employed, or paid for performance, or the top dog at your shop, then it doesn't matter what you do with your computer.

Tribute Gift Giving Tip #1

We recommend sending out your invitation for people to contribute about 30 days in advance.

Too far in advance and people will put it off and forget about it. Too close and you may miss a lot of contributions.

People are very busy working, vacationing, attending to emergencies, running their kids around, and all manner of obligations. Don't wait until the last minute and put unfair stress on them and yourself, and maybe not be able to pull the whole thing off at all.

We want you and yours to have a great experience. So please don't jeopardize that and your financial investment in creating this gift either by waiting too long to invite people to send in their tribute contribution.

Create your invitation list and send out our pre-designed announcement email about 30 days in advance of when you plan to surprise your special someone. We'll send out an instructional email immediately when someone signs up, then a follow up reminder half way between when you start our service and the surprise date. And we'll send one more reminder about three quarters the way through.

Launch

I wanted to do something special for my father's 80th birthday. I decided to make a tribute to him like my sister-in-law Robin did for her mother. Robin collected contributions of memories, feelings, and good wishes from everyone she could find who knew her mother Shirley and printed them, one per page, on decorated paper, then bound them into a little book.

Lots of us gathered at Shirley's house and we had a very special time. We all laughed and cried at the entries people sent in and our hearts were touched in a powerful way. Especially Robin and Shirley.

This is what I wanted for my father. Except, being part nerd, I did it on the web. And it could not have worked out better. My mother caught my eye while my father was scrolling between tributes and mouthed the words "this is the best thing you've done IN YOUR LIFE".

We occasionally laughed and cried as dad read each of his little tributes and we had an evening we'll never forget. I was happy I could make my father feel so special, and proud of myself for putting it together.

See it here: www.bobsbigbirthday.blogspot.com

Weeks later, my mother suggested I might help other people experience the same profound and warm emotions that we enjoyed with my father. And that's why I created "Tribute A Gift".

See www.tributeagift.com for more.